But my inner life was a different story. I had grown up with an abusive alcoholic father who molested me from an early age.

It gave me confidence, and made me feel more interesting and funny. Alcohol became the best friend I couldn’t wait to spend time with. But during this “friendship,” I attempted suicide three times. The last try landed me in a psychiatric unit for a month. I was arrested for drinking and driving three times. The last one almost landed me in prison for five years.

Underneath my pretty life, I was emotionally unstable and depressed every single day. I had terrible anxiety and panic attacks on a regular basis—ranging from emotional breakdowns to my legs going numb while walking to work and just falling down on the street. My hangovers were so severe, they could take two weeks to get over.

When the hangovers got so bad that they made me want to die all over again, I began to understand that alcohol was no longer helping me. It was making my life, my health, and my spirit weaker by the minute. I started having problems at work and in my relationships—with men, my friends, my family—and my physical health began to deteriorate.

I could see that I was “skinny fat” (not overweight, but not fit). My digestion was weak; I either had constipation or diarrhea. I struggled with eating disorders including anorexia, bulimia, and binge eating. I crashed on diet after diet (coffee and cigarettes in the morning, lunch at noon, then wine and cigarettes at night was a favorite). I didn’t like my body. I realized I was also addicted to nicotine: first cigarettes, then the vape, then the gum.

I started seeing a therapist, joined a 12-step program, and signed up for boxing and yoga classes. While it was cathartic to talk about my problems, a relief to find community in AA, and energizing to be more physically active,

I grew into taking longer and longer breaks from drinking—sometimes for several months. I would feel great during those times—even like I was getting high on my sobriety. 

But ironically, those soaring feelings would lead me to celebrate—not with alcohol, but with junk food and other unhealthy indulgences. I would “treat myself” to three espresso drinks a day, followed by an afternoon double-scoop of ice cream, then go dancing after work (sober, but until the early morning) and order a mountain of greasy takeout on my way home.

After a while, I realized that I was relying on these new destructive habits in much the same way I’d relied on alcohol: to give me something to do, something to look forward to, something to hide behind and to distract me from my reality.

I really couldn’t believe what I started to learn from working with my holistic nutrition counselor. Her knowledge was so simple, yet profound. From her, I learned how big a difference small changes could make in how I felt: from just drinking enough water to chewing my food properly to taking the right supplements.

Gradually, as I built a better daily routine around easy, tasty, nutritious foods I could enjoy making at home, other aspects of my health started clicking into place. Cutting my sugar intake quickly lowered my cholesterol and triglyceride levels by 60 percent. Yoga got me into meditation, which helped me reconnect with my feelings. I began keeping a sane sleep schedule, and getting more deep rest each night.

Finally, there came a day when I realized I just didn’t want to drink anymore—or smoke, or binge on sugar, coffee, or fries. I now knew how good it could feel to live healthfully, and I knew I would never go back.

Nutrition was the cornerstone of establishing my healthy sobriety for life. It always will be. Still, I knew that exercise, breathing, and other activities played a role in making me healthy, and I wanted to know what else could help.

I began a years-long journey (which continues to this day!) to find and incorporate different healing methods I can use to forge even greater freedom and wellbeing in my life.

This search led me to establish five elements—eating, sleeping, breathing, moving, and meditating—as my holistic health pillars. My excitement about this system and eagerness to share it with others drove me to create the Sweet Science wellness program. Today, I help my clients find whole-person wellness, calm, and joy in their sobriety using these elements as their guides. I now call them the Sweet Science 5.

LEARN MORE ABOUT THE SWEET SCIENCE 5

I fixed all the health issues I struggled with in early sobriety using the Sweet Science 5 (yes, I eventually even lost that stubborn belly fat!). I still employ them every day, and as I keep going deeper, I am surprised to see that my health keeps improving.

So yeah, it works :) If I, the addict who thought she would never stop struggling, can learn to live healthfully and love sobriety, then so can you.

2016 - present

2016

2015-2016

2013-2014

2012-2013